It's about the People, Stupid
Saturday, August 4, 2012 at 3:04PM When my initial attempt at goal setting knocked me on my tail--read this post for background--I started from scratch. What would make my life a good one, when all was said and done?
You can't take material things with you when you die. But you can't take anything with you when you go--even immaterial things. So if material wealth gives you true happiness while you're above ground, what's wrong with that?
Regardless, material things don't tend to make me happy. I like nice stuff, but it isn't the key to my fulfillment.
More than anything, a full, happy life for me is tied to experiences. And more than just things I've done and places I've seen, but the people who share my time. Even great destinations and once-in-a-lifetime moments aren't worth as much if they aren't experienced with people who matter to me.
So I created goals around my relationships: deepening connections with close friends and family, building new friendships, and connecting the groups of people I value. (Not to worry: I also developed goals for other critical areas: professional, mental, health, financial, and learning.)
Ready for me to sound like a real nerd?
I did a bit of a gap analysis: I looked at the ideal and compared it to the present. And then I determined what actions I could take over a year's time to move closer toward my goal. The actions needed to be specific and measurable. For example:
- Call or e-mail one friend a week.
- Once a quarter, schedule a lunch or dinner or coffee meeting with a new acquaintance.
- Talk to Dad twice a month.
- Spend time one-on-one with Mom once a month.
Consider that a sampling for illustration purposes--I actually had about five actions each for family and friends. Also, these were baselines: I could do more than what I had outlined, but to achieve my goals I needed to take these bare minimum actions.
To ensure that I carried through on my plans, I entered the tasks in Outlook. I set the tasks to automatically generate on schedule.
Some people use other life-organizing tools--you can replicate this process in whatever system works best for you. (If you want to learn my system specifically, which I use for goals, personal activity, and all work/professional tasks, read Michael Linenberger’s book Total Workday Control Using Microsoft Outlook.)
Seem crazy? I've found that if I don't make something as official and important as a work task, it won't happen. And if it doesn't happen, I won't meet my goals.
Is it working?
Recently, a friend said he'd like more close friends. On July 15, 2012, an article in The New York Times lamented the difficulty of making buddies in adulthood. What I'm doing must be working, because I don't have either problem--although I see how easily anyone could. Sure, it means effort and focus, yet that's true of anything you really want in life.
I'm bowled over by the amazing people I get to enjoy--and even moreso than I was before, now that I've become closer to them. My life is richer as a result of the work I've put in over the past couple years.
Short answer? Yes.
Reader Comments (2)
Something that Campbell wrote immediately comes to mind.
"If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time."
Too many people listen to voices telling them "Work in this type of job. Get married by x. Have kids by y. Go on vacation to this place not that one."
People run around trying to make others happy but never make themselves happy. Fortunately you are not one of those persons. You found a career you loved, did what you really liked, and you've figured out that it's the people in your life that make it worth living.
Now have a system that dovetails into your life and helps you navigate a course to the destination you want to reach.
You have followed your bliss.
You are wonderful, William! Thank you. As another wise man (Socrates) once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." I don't want to get to the end of my days and find that it wasn't what it should have been. So I try!